Overflow

2010-10-03T15:40:00.002-05:00

our family spent a memorable evening in birmingham's inspiring new railroad park

it was the perfect combination for a perfect evening...

beautiful surroundings

beautiful weather

beautiful sunset

but most importantly,

perfect company

our summer

2010-09-08T20:13:00.000-05:00

i love summer; i always have. i love the sunshine, the green, the warm (yes, even the hot)... i love the music that nature makes in the evenings, late sunsets, chasing fireflies... i love the freedom and fun, the pleasure and play... summer is good for my soul.

we had a great summer. i can't believe it is coming to a close and fall is upon us so quickly (i do love fall, too)! we made a lot of wonderful memories this summer...

we played in the sprinkler

and went blueberry pickin' at nanie and grandpa's house

we explored and played in cool creeks with good friends

and watched uncle cole play in plenty of barons games, went to the farmers market, played on the slip-n-slide, visited cousins, ate lots of popsicles, celebrated precious little ones birthdays...

it is so much fun having kids and experiencing life with them, through their eyes-- the wonder, the excitement and enthusiasm, the joy...

he's 3

2010-08-26T14:30:00.003-05:00

three years ago was one of the most joyous days of my life... the day you were born, the day i became a mom... the day my heart and capacity for love grew exponentially...

my heart both smiles and aches as i watch you grow so quickly.

there has been a lot of change and growth in this third year: embracing little sissy, and your role as big brother, starting "school", sleeping in your big boy bed, saying goodbye to your beloved paci, beginning potty training... all of these things making you less of a baby and more of a boy.

you are independent, and your motto is, "i can do it myself". you are cautious... oh, so very cautious. you are smart and inquisitive, outgoing and friendly, sensitive, active... along with all the joys of 3, there are also the growing pains. we are growing... all of us... together.

it's been three years of smiles and laughter, of learning and growing... three years of my heart being worn on my sleeve... i love you, bubbie.

we didn't get to celebrate your birthday exactly as we had planned because you got a stomach bug and didn't feel well. but we did the very best we could and you had a wonderful day despite the fact that you didn't feel well. happy 3rd birthday, little man.

one

2010-07-17T16:14:00.002-05:00

i cannot believe that it was one year ago (today) that we welcomed our precious little girl to the world. she made a grand entrance, screaming so much that i feared the coming days and months. but she settled into her new world and life quickly, and has since been relatively "easy"(if any babies can really be easy).

she is so very sweet. she has soft, kind eyes that make you melt and wrap you around her little finger when she looks into your eyes. when she gets her feelings hurt (yes, she is most definitely a girl), she lays her head on the floor as if she is crushed and cannot even hold her head up.

but she's also sassy. she has been known to scream at her brother if he even comes near her and she doesn't want him to. she doesn't really defend herself against him outright-- just screams until mommy or daddy rescue her, or scold brother (in his defense, he is innocent sometimes). it will be interesting to see how their interactions take shape as she becomes smarter, more coordinated, bigger... brother may be in trouble.

speaking of clayton, he loves her dearly. he has heard us refer to her as "pretty", and has lately been calling her pretty (for example, today, as i was changing her diaper for her nap, he crawled up on the bed and said, "i want to see pretty"). that. is. adorable. he asks for her as soon as he wakes up from his naps (and yes, asks me to put her down for her naps when he is tired of her ;)

she is growing so fast. i love watching her grow. she is walking behind push toys, but has yet to stand alone, although i don't think it will be long. she is over baby food, and so far, eats anything we give her.

i am so thankful to the Lord for the sweet gift of sissy. she was handpicked by Him for our family. she brings so much joy to all of our lives and we love her dearly. i don't think i'll ever be able to tell her how much i love her, but i was made to love her.

i think clayton puts it perfectly when, as our family is all cuddled together on the couch or the bed, he says, "this is my family". yes, son, this is our family. i didn't know i could love so deep.

hollywood

2010-06-13T16:48:00.004-05:00

clay recently said,

"nothing says glamor like two kids under 3".

how true!

we've been doing a lot of this lately...

if it is possible to feel slightly nostalgic about diapers, i do.

potty training is yet another step toward this little boy's independence.

our baby boy is growing into a big boy, one step at a time.

it is good, and right. but does it have to happen so fast?

firstfruits

2010-06-04T15:26:00.002-05:00

it's summer around here, and there are signs of it everywhere...

from clothes that are dirty and wet from playing in the creek now hanging on the fence to dry... to the first ripe cherry tomato excitedly handed to me by our little gardner (and tomato lover who gobbles them up whole).

i love summer.

ten

2010-05-24T15:26:00.000-05:00

she is my sunshine

my only sunshine

she makes me happy when skies are grey...

"you are my sunshine" is a special song to me and the kids. i sing it to them many times every day. the lyrics are the artwork in clayton's room.

they are my sunshines. they'll never know how much i love them (until they have children of their own). how perfect.

sissy is ten months.

she. is. precious.

she is crawling. everywhere. and fast.

she just got her first tooth.

she is beautiful. already. her eyes, her skin... wow.

her voice is raspy and deep. it's cool.

she is a mama's girl. boy, is she ever. she would prefer that i never leave her sight, or put her down. ever. yes, it can be challenging, but i'm ok with it for now...

because i know the day will come when her heart will belong to her daddy.

and i'm ok with that too.

our easter

2010-04-09T15:01:00.001-05:00

we had a wonderful easter weekend. the weather was perfect-- sunny and warm. from blooming flowers to baby greens (as i like to call the leaves as they grow fresh each spring), there is new life everywhere. what a perfect time of year to celebrate our risen savior. this new life is so representative of the holy week itself, and our hope. glorious.

we had a beautiful easter service at church, followed by lunch with family, and lots of time outside...

i tried to get a "good" picture of both kids, but this proved to be difficult, as always ;) clayton does not like to sit still (see pouty lip below) and was up and off almost as soon as he sat down

this picture makes my little boy look like a little man...

and sweet turner grace had this lovely hot pink accessory for her first easter...

clayton hunted eggs several times this year and loved every minute of it. we thoroughly enjoyed our easter weekend!

oops

2010-03-28T16:13:00.002-05:00

a little over a week ago, our baby girl broke her leg. more specifically and officially, she has a spiral fracture in her right tibia. she has to wear this cumbersome (and adorable, i must say) cast for at least two weeks and at most four weeks. thankfully, tiny baby bones heal very quickly.

here's what happened: it was a friday night, and we were getting ready to go to dinner. both kids were on our bed, where we spend so much of our time. i had just gotten turner dressed; clay was dressing clayton. i stepped away for a moment; clay took his eyes off her for a moment (it was both of our "faults"). in that moment, she rolled herself off our bed, and landed feet first. she screamed and cried, but not for long, and was, for the most part, back to her happy little self.

so many people have asked how i knew to take her to the doctor... it was a combination of things-- prayer, mother's intuition, and the fact that she still seemed uncomfortable when i would change her diaper, dress her, or move or touch her leg certain ways. i honestly had no idea her leg was broken; i thought she might have bruised her tailbone or pulled a muscle or something. so when the dr saw her and told me he thought her leg was broken, i burst into tears. i felt so sad and bad that i had let something like this happen, that i had not taken her to the dr sooner... a nightmare for a mother.

i'm sorry, sweet t.

but you do look adorable in your hot pink cast.

finally, spring

2010-03-24T15:00:00.003-05:00

with the weather in the 70s for only the second or third time so far this year, we headed to nanie and grandpa's to spend the afternoon. it was wonderful to spend some time outdoors. clayton, more than ever before, loves the freedom to run around, and "the farm" provided the perfect playground for that independent, free spirit.

as we pulled out of the driveway and headed home, clay and i talked about how spending time outdoors is good for the soul. an afternoon with many of my favorite things was certainly good for my soul.

snapshot

2010-03-17T16:24:00.002-05:00

turner is growing more interactive every day, and clayton is taking advantage of it. she laughs, but more specifically and importantly, she laughs at him. she watches him, waits for him to engage her, and when he does, she "talks" to him. he is enjoying his newfound admirer very much...

yesterday as i was putting away their clothes in their rooms, i heard them in the family room laughing together. what a sweet and beautiful noise it was.

this morning i was listening to him playing with her... when i walked down the hall this was what i found-- he had stacked literally every toy from the toy chest around and on top of her... and she was enjoying every minute of it.

a prayer

2010-03-17T15:06:00.004-05:00

clayton has shown a real interest in and desire for saying his own prayers lately. they usually go something like this:

"jesus, jesus

(my new favorite way to begin a prayer. ever.)

tank you for dis day

tank you for...

mommy and daddy and tuh-nuh

tank you for...

li-beh-wee (library)

tah-get (target)

wah-mart (duh)

my books

my toys

dinger (dinner)...

(the list can go on and on and varies according to what we/he did that day)

aaa-men"

obviously i cannot contain my smile that is ear to ear as he prays. because it. is. adorable.

endearing

2010-03-13T15:57:00.004-06:00

every time clay or i pick turner up (i mean, every single time), she clasps her hands together as if she is praying. endearing is the perfect word to describe this precious "quirk"-- it means "loveable, especially in a childlike way". that's it. it is so very loveable. it is sweet, and feminine. and oh, so endearing. and it is turner.

i wanted to remember this "thing" forever, so i asked my friend and amazing photographer angie to capture the moment... and here it is; it is perfect. thank you, angie!

i had tried many times before to capture this "thing" on my own, but since she does it when i pick her up, it was, well... impossible... i did manage to capture just the hands themselves before she unclasped them as i put her down... not only does it happen every time we pick her up, but it happens this same way. every. time. precious.

seven

2010-03-13T15:08:00.001-06:00

she's our happy girl,

but boy, is she busy....

i'm kind of in love with these eyes

six

2010-03-03T15:22:00.007-06:00

i truly cannot believe how quickly time is passing.

i already feel a sentimental sadness that turner seems to be growing so fast.

i have heard many people say that time seems to pass more and more quickly with each child, and i wish that were not true, but i believe they must be right.

sometimes i wish i could temporarily freeze time...because i want to savor every moment of this little girl's life...

we hit some major milestones this month, including sleeping through the night (sings halleluiah chorus), sleeping without being swaddled, starting solid foods, and sitting up.

now, freeze. please.

my turner

2010-02-27T15:50:00.005-06:00

clayton loves to play with turner.

i overheard him say to her once,

"watch this, sissy".

neither clay nor i have ever called turner "sissy"

(how did he know to nickname her that?!);

he also calls her "my turner".

he loves to play "chubby bunny" with her

and put stickers on her (or color on her, or play cars on her...)

and "share" with her (or pile every toy in sight on top of her)

...and she just goes with the flow,

and smiles and laughs whenever he is around.

five

2010-02-24T16:03:00.005-06:00

isn't she yummy?

snow day

2010-02-17T16:30:00.008-06:00

i am going to skip ahead to the present... i am slowly catching up, but as i am catching up, life goes on...

almost 2 weeks ago, snow was predicted to fall and accumulate overnight. i do not normally believe the meteorologists when they predict snow, but for some reason, i believed them this time. so clay and i packed the kids in the car and headed out to find a sled. we had no idea where to find one... i felt naive and silly asking the store employees if they sold sleds, and the employees looked at me as if saying, "bless her heart"... we were unsuccessful in our search, but gave up and came home to put the kids to bed, hoping they (we) would wake up to a winter wonderland.

morning came and i peered through the blinds to find...

nothing. disappointment.

(now i felt really silly about looking for a sled the night before)

as the morning went on, the chances for snow were diminishing...

but lo, and behold, the snow started quickly falling around mid-morning,

and by early afternoon, it looked like this:

this was not the first time it has snowed in clayton's (or turner's) lifetime, but it was the first time clayton enjoyed the snow (for a little while). we did find that sled, after all, and the sheer joy it gave clayton to be pulled by clay through the snow was worth every effort and every penny.

snow is a lot more fun when you have a family to enjoy it with (and when it is gone within 24 hours)!

maebe

2010-02-12T16:17:00.001-06:00

maebe's name was perfect for her in so many ways. we definitely miss maebe.

christmas

2010-02-12T15:56:00.005-06:00

we celebrated christmas and had a conner family reunion at memaw's house this year. it was a very good trip, with one especially fun day.

we joked that clayton was in a sweet spot this christmas-- not only getting gifts of his own, but thinking that turner's presents were his too, since she is too young to know or do anything with them or care about them herself :)

halloween

2010-02-12T15:21:00.005-06:00

we spent halloween in columbus with the sidor's and the wolf's. clayton was an auburn football player for the night; turner was his little auburn tiger. clayton tagged along trick-or-treating with his cousins, which helped him understand the idea. he couldn't quite keep up... always one or two houses behind... until daddy started driving him in the golf cart :)

my favorite thing was when i told him to "say thanks, buddy" to the woman who had just given him candy at the door. he did just that, saying, "thanks, buddy". needless to say, he was a hit at every house.

clayton has been really into dora this year so it was a no-brainer to carve her into our pumpkin

three

2010-02-10T15:41:00.004-06:00

still growing.

still eager to smile. still happy and content.

add "talking"

still stealing our hearts

and wrapping us all around her little finger ;)

two

2010-02-07T16:08:00.010-06:00

we all know that i did not do a good job of blogging during the first several months of turner's life; i also did not take enough pictures, nor journal enough, nor a lot of things i should have done and wish that i had done. but i did what it took to survive those days and the adjustment and chaos. and that is why i skip from turner's birthday to two months...

here are a few things about turner at two months that i did jot down at the time:

"this newborn stage is flying by with her"-- i always feel this and say this, but 'tis true

"she is smiling"-- i remember thinking that she smiled early. i remember feeling my heart melt as i looked at that beautiful baby girl of ours. her smiles come easily, frequently, quickly; i love that about her. i have often thought that she might be funny or an entertainer-- i guess time will tell. she brings such joy to our family.

"she rarely cries"-- she truly was(is) such a sweet, content, happy baby. i have wondered if my being more relaxed, more comfortable, and more experienced as a mother has in any way influenced her temperament... but i think mostly it is just the way she was designed.

i remember that i would put her in bed with me, let her sleep with me a good bit when she was awake and/or fussy at an "inappropriate" time (say, 2 a.m., 5 a.m. ;). she would settle into sleep almost immediately when she was next to me. i cannot explain how she seems more relational than her brother at this stage, but she does. it is as if my presence is comforting to her on more than a physical level, but a more emotional, relational level.

i am excited to continue to learn and know her, to watch as her person unravels more and more, to experience relationship with my daughter...

thanks for the outfit, angie-- it was my favorite !

weekends

2010-02-07T15:32:00.003-06:00

it was a friday night (this past friday night), 8:15 p.m.

i was sitting on the floor in front of the tv with a laundry hamper on one side and a pile of dirty baby and toddler clothes on the other. i was in my pajamas, armed with a bottle of my favorite stain remover. clay walked in and said jokingly, as if someone not in this stage of life asked me, "so, what'd you do on friday night?"

i smiled.

it was then that i realized that i could not be happier

to be doing exactly what i was doing.

really.

2 years old... or young

2010-01-29T21:41:00.011-06:00

our little boy is 2 years old. it does not seem so long ago that he was only 2 weeks, or 2 months...

but 2 years?!

now that we have 2 children, i find myself saying "remember when?" as i watch them grow simultaneously. on clayton's birthday, i look at turner, and remember when he was her size. just 2 years ago. he really is such a big boy, especially when i remember when... and i know that years from now he will seem like such a little boy when i then remember when he was just 2.

but for today, he is a big boy.

clayton's friends charlie, and will, and matthew help him open presents

clayton loved veggie tales this year, so bob and larry donned his cake

baby sister enjoyed the party in gg's arms

celebrating

2010-01-29T21:16:00.006-06:00

in those first few days and weeks of turner's life, we were surrounded and supported by our families. my sisters and their families were in town not only to celebrate turner's birthday, but their birthdays as well... my nieces and nephews got to meet and enjoy their new cousin... clayton had many playmates to keep him busy and happy while clay and i were busy learning and caring for turner... what a happy time for everyone!

our new family of four

turner, only 4 days old, looks tiny in this picture!

2010-01-27T20:37:00.002-06:00

if anyone ever read my journal (heaven, forbid), this is what they would see written on 01.27.10.

i. need. grace.

bad.

i won't have a pity party and go into all the reasons i needed grace at that moment, on this day, but for any other moms of young children, i am sure it is not hard to imagine.

when i wrote those words, i was talking to God. He answered. psalm 68:19 came to mind immediately.

"blessed be the Lord, who daily bears us up..."

those words came to my heart like good medicine. i studied a little further and read this:

"listen to me, o house of jacob, all the remnant of the house of israel,

who have been borne by me from before your birth,

carried from the womb;

even to your old age I am he,

and to gray hairs I will carry you.

I have made, and I will bear;

I will carry and will save."

isaiah 46:3-4

He cares for me. His care is constant. He knows my needs. He bears me up and carries me.

big brother

2010-01-16T20:46:00.004-06:00

there was much more to come home to this time... there was big brother.

clay and i were not sure how clayton would respond to turner. he does not like change, and he is a very sensitive soul, which made us wonder if adjusting to "sister" being around would be hard for him. in some ways i think it was hard, but for the most part, he was excited about turner.

he wanted to be near her

he wanted to "help" and hold her

he wanted to hug and kiss her

i have a feeling these two will one day end up the best of friends... (i know, i know, and the worst of enemies)

clayton is such a good big brother. he loves turner very much. he doesn't know life without her anymore. and that makes us happy.

home

2010-01-15T16:06:00.017-06:00

coming home from the hospital with turner was a mostly different experience than coming home with clayton. but some things were the same.

we were nervous about coming home with clayton... we had no idea what to expect... and yet we were thrilled to come home to begin our new life as a family, with our son...

we were not nervous to come home with turner, but maybe apprehensive of the change and adjustment that having two kids brings... we knew more of what to expect from a newborn, of being a parent, but not so much about juggling two... we were filled with joy to come home to our life as a family of four, with our son and daughter...

"the lord has done great things for us and we are filled with joy" psalm 126:3

this picture was not posed... nothing says "motherhood" like this photo.

this picture makes me laugh. great memory. and great having e here to help with the transition. we spent a lot of time in front of windows and outside in those early hours and days home, trying to minimize jaundice with natural sunlight.

Turner's birth day

2010-01-07T16:16:00.012-06:00

even though this sweet day was almost six months ago, i want to recount some of the details of it for memory's sake. in some ways, July 21 seems like yesterday-- the first six months of Turner's life have blown by; in other ways, I can hardly recall life before she was born...

Turner's actual due date was July 24, but as with Clayton, Dr. Ross scheduled an induction three days early because conditions were favorable to do so. (i am convinced i will never go into labor without being induced!) i was given instructions to call labor and delivery very early in the morning on the 21st to make sure there was still room for my induction... when i called, i was informed that my induction was not on the schedule, that there had been some sort of error, that they were not sure there would be room, and to call back in one hour... what?! i am still not sure what happened, but after a nerve wracking hour of waiting, the l & d staff graciously allowed us to come in to induce labor. whew. from that point on, the day, the labor and delivery, was textbook, which was nice after Clayton's difficult delivery.

after only 7 hours of labor, Turner Grace Conner made her appearance in our world at 2(ish) p.m., weighing 7 lbs., 8 oz...

unlike her brother, she made her entrance known, with a very loud set of screaming lungs. i hoped this was not an indication of things to come... and thank goodness, it was not!

like her brother, holding my baby girl for the first time was an experience bigger and better than words can express. daughter. completion. satisfaction. devotion. life. love. in love.... my mind still races thoughts of what it means to have a daughter-- the layers of life and love and relationship that at once exist and have yet to exist. femininity. intimacy. legacy.

my capacity for love grew exponentially the moment i held her in my arms. we are blessed beyond measure by this sweet baby girl that God has graciously entrusted to our care.

hello

2010-01-03T21:54:00.004-06:00

so i abandoned my blog...

i have let this thing get dust all over it...

and now i finally feel like i want to go back and remember and record memories of some things that have come and gone since this thing grew mildew...

so, hopefully, here we go again...

later (it's late and i'm tired). here's to hoping this check-in prompts creativity and commitment and brings accountability...

goodnight.

click here to see my latest picasa pictures

Baby Turner (in 4D)

2009-05-04T16:14:00.008-05:00

We were given the opportunity to see baby Turner through 4D ultrasound this morning, and...

it. was. amazing.

We could see her features, not necessarily clearly, but see them nonetheless. She opened her eyes a handful of times, she furrowed her brows when the ultrasonographer shook my belly in attempt to get a better view of her face (can't you just hear her say, "leave me alone!"), she opened her mouth and swallowed, she hid her face behind her hands, rolled, kicked, punched... This little girl has a personality already, and an appearance... and a soul-- all that the Lord has knit together according to His design and purpose. His goodness and His grace. Upon comparison with Clayton's 4D, she looks very similar to him, although Clay and I think we can see some differences as well. I wonder about the color of her hair, her eyes, her skin tone... I can't wait to see what she really looks like when I can hold her in my arms!

"My frame was not hidden from you, when I was being made in secret,

intricately woven in the depths of the earth.

Your eyes saw my unformed substance;

in your book were written, every one of them,

the days that were formed for me,

when as yet there were none of them."

Psalm 139:15, 16

Better... and Bigger

2009-04-17T15:16:00.006-05:00

Has it really been five months since my last blog? Indeed, it has. I know I'm not supposed to explain myself or the reasons for my absence here, but I just can't help it. We found out I was pregnant a few days after the last blog and shortly thereafter I was feeling very, very sick. I was so sick and so tired for the first 20 weeks of this pregnancy... so naturally, the last thing on my mind and to-do list was blogging. But I am feeling much better now, and so hope to get back to blogging at least occasionally, though I can't promise frequently. My to-do list before the baby arrives seems a mile long.

She is fluttering around in my belly right this minute. I can't believe she's a girl. I can't wait to meet her, can't wait for her to (one day) adore her big brother, can't wait to know her and (hopefully) be her friend, can't wait to see her make her daddy melt... She's our Turner Grace, and she'll be here July 24(ish).

Clayton is getting so big, so fast. He is growing taller, running, repeating the alphabet and numbers 1-10 with us (sometimes beating us to the letter or number that comes next), developing preferences (being outside all the time, wanting to eat fruit for every meal, playing with balls, etc.), "talking"... My little baby is now a little boy.

Life Is Good

2008-11-08T14:18:00.005-06:00

For several weeks now, the leaves on the trees have looked as if they are holding their breath, about to burst into brilliant colors. And now, they have taken a deep breath, and come alive. We headed to Oak Mountain for a picnic and a hike to enjoy the magnificence of it all, the magnificence of fall. Ah, life is good.

Election day

2008-11-04T14:36:00.005-06:00

Most of us treasure our right to vote for the leaders in our country... and we proudly display our "I Voted" sticker on this, election day. Clayton and I went to visit Clay at the office today... I was chatting with a friend when Clayton came back to me with this sticker on his shirt. I thought it was adorable and thought I'd take and post a photo of it. That is much easier said than done! He is getting harder and harder to photograph these days; he would neither sit still nor stand still for one moment!

Halloween

2008-11-01T15:01:00.005-05:00

Halloween wasn't so happy for our little boy this year; he had a fever around 102 degrees all day and night. Nevertheless, we still dressed him up in his bear costume long enough to snap some photos and trick-or-treat at five of the houses surrounding ours. We couldn't pass up an opportunity to enjoy his cuteness in that costume!

Almost

2008-09-07T20:31:00.010-05:00

walking

Step 1, get ready

Step 2, get set Step 3, make sure mommy is there

Step 4, go!

Happy, happy birthday

2008-08-24T21:56:00.010-05:00

It is amazing that while it seems like yesterday we were coming home from the hospital with Clayton, those first weeks and months with him seem like ages ago. It was fun celebrating Clayton and his first year this weekend...

more pictures here

Daddy's boy

2008-08-19T10:16:00.005-05:00

Lately Clayton can't seem to get enough of his dad. These pictures show Clayton, first, at the door after Clay has walked out for work, and second, at the door watching Clay mow the yard. Anytime I mention "daddy" as I'm talking to Clayton, he immediately starts looking for him... when Clay comes home from work, Clayton is so excited he is almost like a panting puppy... he wants Clay to hold him and follows him around the house... It has been so sweet to see this attachment, this enjoyment, this delight, this love...

It goes both ways.

Vacation

2008-08-06T14:35:00.010-05:00

We spent a weekend at my sister's house in Columbus celebrating my sisters' birthdays; Clayton and I stayed the week. The change of pace was great for both of us. My six nephews and nieces entertained Clayton every moment of every day-- if they weren't actually engaging him, he was entertained by just watching them. Most of our time was spent by and in the pool, as usual at "Camp Sidor". It is such a wonderful place to get away and to entertain kids-- complete with pool, hammock, Jimmy Buffett music playing overhead, Kevin's famous smoked meats and mixed drinks and fresh cut fruit enjoyed poolside, go-carts, golf cart rides, feeding the fish at the pond... It is chaotic, to say the least, with seven kids under one roof, but so special to be together with family.

Clayton and I met Clay at Lake Martin on Thursday and his parents joined us Friday for the weekend. We had a relaxing weekend-- boat rides at sunset, grilling out, watching movies, reading, taking naps, good conversation on the porch...

New toy

2008-07-27T15:05:00.004-05:00

for husband, not for baby.

Clayton and I will be in Columbus this week spending time with my sisters and their families; Clay will be at home without us. I love knowing the details of Clay's days, especially when we are apart. There is no question in my mind about what he will spend his time doing while we are apart this time...

11 Months

2008-07-23T15:38:00.006-05:00

I can't believe our baby will be ONE year old in one month.

Some of his favorite things right now include:

waving at EVERYTHING (including mostly inanimate objects),

pulling up on EVERYTHING,

playing "fetch" with himself,

turning the page for us when we read to him,

puppy dogs,

making a clicking noise with his tongue,

looking at himself in the mirror,

drinking out of his sippy cup (and spitting out half of it),

throwing food on the floor...

he is not an easy subject to photograph these days; he is always on the move. every time i tried to snap a picture he was moving so quickly toward me and the camera that this is what i found in my viewfinder

I love today

2008-07-19T20:15:00.010-05:00

To me, today was the perfect Saturday. We had no "plans" for the first time in a while. We made the most of a sunny, lazy summer day; we made today fun. It didn't start out the best, with Clay having to deal with some unexpected work issues, but it quickly got better. I love nothing more than spending time with my men, alone, outside, relaxed...

We started out at Botanical Gardens for a picnic lunch and a stroll...

then took a drive through Market Day in Mountain Brook Village and residential Homewood (we love that community), then home for Clayton's nap, then ended the day with dinner at The J. Clyde...

Clay and I both agreed that it feels like vacation to spend an evening on Cobb Lane

the J. Clyde is Clay's favorite place in Birmingham to get a good beer

Clayton wearing his dinner

he has started another quirk as of late-- wrinkling his nose, furrowing his eyebrows, and saying "nana" in a very nasaly voice

And now we're home. I love today.

rug burn

2008-07-16T14:25:00.007-05:00

or hardwood burn or deck burn... I feel sorry for Clayton's little knees and shins and the tops of his feet. It doesn't seem to bother him, though; he still drags those legs across any surface with amazing speed.

He always crawls with his left leg out to the side like this...

and that is what makes rug burn on this leg so bad!

There it is

2008-07-07T17:02:00.004-05:00

Finally a picture that shows Clayton's tooth! It is hard to even catch a peek of this tooth, and the second one just beginning to show, much less get a picture of them! The reason for this picture was not even the teeth, but rather the Cheerio stuck on his chin that we thought was hilarious. I love that he was oblivious to the Cheerio being there; he probably wondered why in the world we were all laughing so hard.

Coffee Geek

2008-07-06T16:00:00.007-05:00

Most of you may know that Clay is a big coffee geek, or coffee snob-- however you choose to look at it. He got the itch to roast his own coffee beans this weekend. He had heard that an old fashioned popcorn popper could serve as a personal roaster, so he dusted off my family's old popper and gave it a try.

green beans from one of our favorite local coffee shops, Primavera

Clay stirring the beans as they "roast" in the popcorn popper. (The black and white was an accident but makes the process look a little less redneck than it is.) If you look closely, you can see the chaff flying off the bean.

cooling the beans

dark roasted beans

the finished product

Clay is waiting at least 12 hours to grind and brew the beans, so we don't know how they taste yet, but hopefully he'll be satisfied!

Long Gone

2008-07-03T09:23:00.006-05:00

Ok, this is getting ridiculous... It has been WAY too long since my last blog post. It is not that I don't think about posting; it's that I find so many other things to do with my "free" time. I will clean the house, do laundry, talk on the phone, read, cook, think about taking a nap... and so on and so on... all before blogging. I really do want to be a consistent blogger; I know that consistency is what makes a good blog. So, I'm breaking the ice again... I'm hoping that maybe this will jump-start me from thought into action...

Really, so much has happened since my last post! The biggest things include Clayton starting to crawl about 2 weeks ago (and pulling up on everything this week) and getting his first tooth about a month ago (and working on #2 right now). For those of you who are moms, you know that those two things bring many other changes along with them. Clayton was baptized in May, he is expanding his vocabulary from exclusively "dadadada" to include "nana" and a few "mama's", is finally sleeping and napping well consistently... he is sometimes sort of waving "bye-bye", is working on finger foods-- all the typical developmental changes that are so exciting for moms. I am so proud of him. We learned at his 9 month check-up that he had not gained even one single ounce since his 6 month check-up, so, upon the encouragement of our pediatrician, we have been feeding him TONS of solid food. We will find out Monday if he has gained some weight! I think he has; I hope he has!

We have been enjoying summer and all that it brings-- cooking out with friends, traveling to see family, the lake, Clay's softball games, walks around the neighborhood, playing in the baby pool with Clayton, eating and relaxing on the deck (that Clay built) in the evenings...

That's a very brief summary of where we are and what we're doing... I realize that most of you (whoever you are) would rather see pictures of Clayton than read my thoughts and words, so here you go! I could post a ton of pictures of some of the things we've done this summer so far, but I'll just stick with a couple from this last week and let you look at the other pictures here.

Easter

2008-03-26T16:13:00.001-05:00

1 Corinthians 15 says...

"Now if Christ is proclaimed as raised from the dead, how can some of you say that there is no resurrection of the dead? But if there is no resurrection of the dead, then not even Christ has been raised... And if Christ has not been raised, your faith is futile and you are still in your sins... If in this life only we have hoped in Christ, we are of all people most to be pitied. But in fact Christ has been raised from the dead... In Christ shall all be made alive."

I stand in the Gospel.

I am being saved by the Gospel.

We had a wonderful Easter. Here are a few pictures of Clayton looking like a little Easter egg.

His latest cute thing is biting his lower lip like this

Too many pictures, mommy!

6 Months Old

2008-02-24T18:22:00.014-06:00

It is hard to believe it has been half a year since Clayton was born. He has grown and learned so much already... so have I. I can hardly wait for all that is yet to come.

This morning in our bedroom, Clayton and I dozed together. His head lay on my pillow; he was facing me. In the still and quiet that comes before sleep, he looked into my eyes without looking away for quite some time. It made my heart hurt. I was reminded of Whitman's words in "Song of Myself"... "Sometimes touching another person is more than I can bear."

6 Months Old

I looked through some old photographs to see how much he has grown and changed...

About 3 weeks old

6 months old

One week old

Almost 6 months old

About 2 weeks old

6 months old

Discovery

2008-02-14T15:18:00.006-06:00

Clayton has discovered his feet this week. He loves to play with them and put them in his mouth. What fun!

Adorable rosy cheeks and curled toes

First Foods

2008-02-12T15:53:00.002-06:00

Clayton started eating solid foods last week. He started with rice cereal, and then we added sweet potatoes this week; tomorrow we will move on to carrots or squash. So far, he seems to love to eat-- he leans forward as if he's anticipating the next spoonful, opens his mouth, and even fusses a little bit if I don't seem to be going as fast as he'd like...

I feel like I say this, or at least think it, at some point every day, but he is growing so fast. Five months ago, solid foods seemed forever away; now it's those early days and weeks that are a distant memory. We've grown quite used to one another in the last five plus months; I'm more comfortable in this skin of motherhood... I can read him like a book these days-- knowing what he needs when he needs it seems to come natural now. I'd be willing to bet that he can read me like a book too. I am having so much fun doing life with him...

Here are some pictures of his first experience with solid food:

Not so sure about that first taste and texture...

but it grew on him pretty fast (see the open mouth)

I can't seem to get it to his mouth fast enough

I love those eyes and that widow's peak with no hair

He seems kind of sad that the food is gone

It Wasn't My Idea

2008-02-03T15:16:00.000-06:00

I hope he does not get mad at me for this when he is older...

Clayton's cousin, Courtney, had this dress up Little Mermaid wig... his cousin, Chris, thought it would be funny to put it on Clayton. I thought it was pretty funny myself. Do these remind anyone of the new Wendy's commercials?

Snow Day

2008-01-19T16:54:00.000-06:00

Yesterday morning we awoke to snow falling and blanketing the ground... It was the first time it had snowed since before Clay and I were married; it was the first snow of Clayton's life. But what made the day so special was not actually the snow... it was my family that I enjoyed the snow with. Without Clay and Clayton, snow is just snow; with Clay and Clayton, snow is making memories-- building a snowman, snowball fights, staying warm and cozy together in the house... If I were alone on a snow day I suppose I would feel more isolated than excited, more cold than warm, more bored than entertained... Clay and I laugh that the old cliche saying, "you double your joy and half your sorrow" with family is actually very true.

Here are some pictures of our snow day:

Clayton looking out the window at the falling snow

I absolutely love that grin

Everyone says he is starting to look more like Clay every day

The smallest snowman Clay has ever made

The snow almost covered the ground for a couple of hours

Funny Things

2008-01-07T17:53:00.000-06:00

A few pictures from some funny things Clayton has done lately:

Enough said

Uh oh... I think he might be flipping a bird

He gets as stiff as a board when we hold him up in the air

Sons

2008-01-07T16:41:00.000-06:00

I recently read these words on the blog of a family friend and they touched my heart. The writer is a mother to five boys, and writes about her role in their lives as they grow into men. She is worried about her son's safety as he ventures out on his own for the first time.

She writes, "...and then I remembered why he was given to me to begin with-- to give him to the Lord... He is not here for me. He is not here for me to hold on to. No matter how much I love him, if I love him, really love him, I will raise him to let him go. And rejoice in that releasing."

She goes on to quote a godly man she heard on Christian radio about the mother/son relationship: "When your son is little you are BIG in his life. As he grows you should become smaller and smaller and smaller. You will go from big in his life to small in his life. This is good. This is right... Begin to make that transfer in your mind... begin to release your fingers that are tightly holding onto his hand... don't be a hindrance in him reaching manhood... be an aid."

I pray that the Lord would use me as an instrument in Clayton's life-- to show him the Gospel as I relate with him on a daily basis, to train him, to build him up, to empower him to become a man.

Merry Christmas

2007-12-27T20:06:00.000-06:00

Christmas is always a special time of year-- reflecting on and celebrating the birth of our Savior, Jesus Christ, enjoying fellowship with friends, spending extended time with family, observing old traditions and starting new ones... I treasure many moments and memories of this time of year...

It is interesting to look back at Christmas one year ago... I found out I was pregnant on December 21st, 2006. I remember vividly certain times last Christmas season wanting so badly to have a child, all the while being pregnant and not yet knowing it. I laugh at the irony of playing Mary in the Walk-Thru Nativity at Briarwood, in the scene where the angel Gabriel tells Mary that she will conceive and bear a son. I remember trying to keep the exciting news a secret until it was "safe" to tell and my sister, Julie, finding a picture of my positive pregnancy test on my digital camera, thus prompting the telling of my family on Christmas day and Clay's family the day after Christmas. I remember praying that the Lord would give us a son. It was so much fun looking back and remembering those things this Christmas...

Clay and I had so much fun celebrating Clayton's first Christmas this year-- picking out our Christmas tree as a family, letting him sit on Santa's lap and getting his picture made with Santa, taking him to look at Christmas lights (even though he was dead asleep in the carseat), taking him to the Walk-Thru Nativity, going to Zoolight Safari, to the Christmas Eve Candelight service, filling his stocking, looking to see what Santa brought on Christmas morning... It is so much fun having a kid at Christmas-- even one who does not understand anything about Christmas yet.

Here are some pictures of some of the memories we made this Christmas:

The family at Zoolight Safari

Curiously looking at the animals and lights at Zoolight Safari

Such a little man in his button-up Polo

Christmas morning

Clayton is excited about his first Pez he found in his stocking. The Conner tradition lives on...

I absolutely love this profile picture. Clayton is staring down one of the toys on his new exersaucer.

Clayton smiling at GG; look at that dimple!

Santa!

2007-12-10T15:47:00.000-06:00

Clayton and his friend Matthew Pattillo sat on Santa's lap for the very first time today! Clayton was very brave; he did not cry, and Matthew slept through the experience. I think he might have told Santa that he wants an exersaucer and a doorway Jumper for Christmas. As with most things Clayton has experienced for the first time, I think mommy enjoyed it more than he did!

Grace

2007-12-07T10:14:00.001-06:00

In the middle of my almost sleepless night, the Lord brought to my mind the miracle of the Feeding of the Five Thousand. Jesus met the physical need of hunger in the lives of those 5000 plus people. He took little and made it much; He took a small provision and made it an abundance. It was not only enough to meet their needs, but more than enough. I believe that He can do the same with and for me, regarding my physical need for sleep. He can take what little sleep I get and make it not only enough, but more than enough.

Thanksgiving

2007-12-06T11:15:00.000-06:00

I have not had a chance to post pictures from Thanksgiving yet because our camera battery died and we thought we had lost the battery charger; we found the charger...

Among many other things, Clay and I are so thankful for the gift of Clayton in our lives this Thanksgiving. There are no words sufficient to express the thankfulness and love in our hearts.

Mommy loves him...

Aunt Julie and Clayton

Cousins Chris and Carter adore "baby Clayton" and can't wait until he can play with them. I have no doubt Clayton will adore them one day soon as well.

Chris and Carter made microphones out of Tinker Toys and sang Happy Birthday to Clayton because it was his 13 week birthday. They also sang the Auburn fight song-- War Eagle!

I went shopping with Julie on "Black Friday" and found this adorable hat to keep Clayton's very bald head warm during the winter. He looks a little unsure about it...

Chris and Carter each wore one of these wigs to the Auburn v. Alabama game. We didn't want Clayton to feel left out so we tried it on him. Poor guy, mommy and daddy laughing at him and he doesn't even understand why!

Change

2007-11-28T14:22:00.000-06:00

I read this article yesterday about 30 things that change when you have a baby, and some of them I identified with so completely. Here are my top 10:

1. Where you once believed you were fearless, you now find yourself afraid. I have shared with many people that I always considered myself a very confident, competent, and capable person until Clayton came along. I have never felt more insecure, inadequate, intimidated, anxious and afraid than I did those first several weeks. As a matter of fact, just earlier today I was chatting with a friend who is also a new mom about how we never knew there was so much to worry about being a mom.

2. The sacrifices you thought you made to have a child no longer seem like sacrifices. I gave up a great job, thus giving up extra income we had grown accustomed to having. And yet just yesterday I was telling another friend who is a young mom that I would give up almost any comfort or pleasure that money can buy in order to be able to stay at home with Clayton each day. I'd rather buy a bouncy seat than those shoes I've been dying to have. I gave up sleep. It is amazing that even after he has kept me up most of the night, it is still the most wonderful thing in the world to wake up to Clayton's smiles and coos every morning. I have given up "freedom" and flexibility, but I don't mind going to bed at 9 p.m. on a Friday night. I wouldn't change anything for all the world.

3. You respect your parents and love them in a new way. I had NO idea the commitment, love, sacrifices, etc. that being a parent requires. It is both the best and the hardest thing I have ever done. I used to think it was hard being the child, being trained and disciplined. Ha. I'm afraid it is one of those things you just can't know until you are a parent yourself. Clayton will not know until he becomes a dad, but that's okay. A million thanks, mom and dad.

4. You find that your baby's pain feels much worse than your own. I can't tell you how many times I have sat on this couch and cried because he is crying. It is amazing to me how deeply tender my heart feels toward Clayton. I would willingly and gladly take his pain if there were some way I could. It broke my heart when I accidentally cut his finger as I was cutting his fingernails the first time. Oops!

5. Your heart breaks much more easily. My heart not only feels deeply tender toward Clayton, but more tender in general. It breaks my heart to think of orphans, children who suffer, God the Father sending his ONLY Son to suffer and die for me...

6. You think of someone else 234,836,178,976 times a day. (That's literally the number the author of the article wrote-- not just something I exagerrated). How true this is! Taking a shower is a luxury. You even look at your baby in the mirror instead of yourself. I don't have time to think about myself anymore, but I guess that's not such a bad thing!

7. Every day is a surprise. Yes, it is. Someone recently told me that as soon as you think you have your child figured out, he changes. I learned this a couple of weeks ago when Clayton, who had been fairly predictable up to that point, decided to change his nap patterns dramatically. Adaptability and flexibility are very important traits for a mommy to possess. I am learning every day.

8. You become a morning person. Whether you like it or not... I love to sleep. I always have loved to sleep. I miss sleep. I am intimately acquainted with each hour of the late night and early morning-- 2 a.m., 3 a.m., 5 a.m., 6 a.m... I now know where the sun comes from each morning. I laugh to myself when I roll over at 3:30 a.m. after hearing Clayton squirming and fussing and see him WIDE EYED. I don't love him one bit less for it.

9. Your love becomes limitless, a superhuman power. Clay and Clayton are the loves of my life. I have never before known love like this; it is fierce.

10. You discover strength you never thought you had. It is nothing but the grace of the Lord that gets me through each day and night. He gives me strength, patience, perseverance, wisdom, knowledge... "His grace is sufficient for my weakness".

Covenant Promises

2007-11-19T09:06:00.000-06:00

Yesterday I heard a sermon on the subject of parenthood/children for the first time as a parent, and I was very encouraged. The text was Isaiah 44:1-5, concerning God's promises to those who believe and trust in Him:

"But now hear, O Jacob my servant, Israel whom I have chosen!
Thus says the Lord who made you, who formed you from the womb and will help you:
Fear not, O Jacob my servant, Jeshurun whom I have chosen.
For I will pour water on the thirsty land, and streams on the dry ground;
I will pour my Spirit upon your offspring, and my blessing on your descendants.
They shall spring up among the grass like willows by flowing streams.
This one will say, 'I am the Lord's,' another will call on the name of Jacob,
and another will write on his hand, 'The Lord's,' and name himself by the name of Israel."

The implications of these verses for my life are:
1. I should not fear my children's future. Why? Because I am chosen. "Fear not, O Jacob..." Even in the midst of things looking like a drought, fear not, because He will "... pour water on the thirsty land..." Has He not shown His faithfulness so many times before?
2. I should earnestly pray my (and Clay's) spiritual legacy into effect. v.3 says, "I will pour my Spirit upon your offspring, and my blessing on your descendants." Pray this promise back to the Father. God loves mercy; He loves it more than law.
3. I ought to depend on the Holy Spirit as the Source of my children's blessing and spiritual growth. It is not our rules or church culture that blesses them and causes them to grow; it is the Holy Spirit. He will use me (and Clay) as His instruments, but it is not up to us. What the Father arranged, the Son purchased, the Holy Spirit seals. The Spirit gives us Himself. We need the Holy Spirit like we need the rain.
4. I may eventually let go of my children with hope. The Lord is sufficient for them; I am not. This is His world. When our children are born of the Holy Spirit, they will act according to their true nature. I can let go. According to v.4, look what they do when they have the Holy Spirit-- they own it. I can trust God with them.
5. Every generation needs a fresh outpouring of the Holy Spirit-- this is what our children need most.

I am so thankful for and humbled by the Lord's promises to His children. I can live without fear because He is in control and He is faithful. Not only that, but "His divine power has granted to us all things that pertain to life and godliness, through the knowledge of him who called us to his own glory and excellence, by which he has granted to us his precious and very great promises, so that through them you may become partakers of the divine nature..." (2 Peter 1:3-4). I thank the Lord for Jesus, for His promises, for the blessing of Clayton and hopefully one day, more children.

Learning the Hard Way

2007-11-08T20:34:00.000-06:00

As a mother, one of the hardest things to do is listen to your baby cry. It is both heart-wrenching and nerve-wracking. I listened to Clayton cry-- hard-- for about 20 minutes this afternoon. He had been taking a nap and woke up crying, I assume, because he lost his pacifier. I did not immediately rush in because I know that babies go through sleep cycles, and I wanted to give him a chance to fall back asleep if that was the case. After 5 minutes of moderate crying, I went in his room and knelt by his bassinet to give him his paci, pat him and calm him. He never stopped crying, but calmed down a bit so I left the room again in hopes that he would tire out and fall asleep quickly. I listened to harder crying for 5 more minutes. It was excruciating to me. I wanted to "fix it" so bad, whatever "it" was. I wanted to cuddle and hold and comfort him. But I knew that what he really needed was sleep. His needs had been met-- he had eaten, had a clean diaper, was not cold or hot... He was exhausted. And he just does not know how to fall asleep on his own. He needs to be taught, needs to figure it out. He also needs to feel safe and secure. It is so hard trying to strike this balance. After those 5 more minutes of crying, I went in to comfort and soothe him again. This time he actually stopped crying, so I left the room, again hoping that he would fall asleep. As soon as I shut the door, he started crying again-- even harder this time. I thought surely after 5 more minutes, he would fall sound asleep. I would not let him cry more than 15 minutes without finally picking him up, rocking, cuddling, calming and comforting him. He was still crying after 5 minutes, 15 minutes total, so I was relieved to pick him up. He was immediately calm in my arms. Everything about him settled-- his tears stopped, his breathing slowed, his body relaxed.

I recount this story not simply to tell a story, but because my eyes were once again opened to the spiritual side of things. Just as Clayton getting shots was best for him, I knew that sleep was what was best for him this afternoon. I knew that on the other side of those tears was rest. I knew that if he could push through whatever "pain" he was experiencing, he would get exactly what he needed. And I knew that the only way for him to get there was through the "pain". He cannot always be rocked and cuddled to sleep; he must learn the skill of sleep for himself. I cannot do it for him. I wish I could, but I cannot.

Once again, I see myself in this experience with Clayton. And I see the Lord. I see that He has had to let me "cry it out", to experience pain and confusion in order to develop and grow me. He has had to teach me skills that I could only learn through "crying". And on the other side of tears, I look back and see exactly why He allowed what He did without intervening. And I know it hurt His heart to listen to me cry, but He knew it was best. I am thankful that He knows best and that I can trust Him. He is good and faithful-- He works all things for my good and His glory.
Several of these lessons include:

Allowing financial difficulty (cars that are lemons, houses with mold and foundation problems, etc.) to teach me that He will provide for our needs. I struggled through these things but found His goodness and faithfulness through His provision.

Allowing Clayton and I to struggle through problems with breastfeeding to teach me about hope and faith and perseverance... I understand the Gospel more because of that trial.

Allowing various changes in my life to teach me about dependence, contentment, His sovereignty...

In each of these things, and many more, I not only know myself better, but I know Him better. And that is my life, "that I may KNOW Christ".

Halloween

2007-11-01T15:34:00.001-05:00

There has always been something about Clayton that reminds Clay and I of Curious George-- the way he wrinkles his forehead and opens wide his eyes, his hairline (the one he used to have before he lost his hair)-- so, what else would he be for his first Halloween than Curious George?! When we put him in the costume I laughed so hard I cried; he was so cute and it was perfect for him! Clayton's first Halloween was more about Clay and I enjoying dressing him up than it was Clayton enjoying himself; we look forward to future Halloweens.

Two Months Old

2007-10-22T16:56:00.000-05:00

It finally feels more like fall today-- the breeze is slightly cool, the sky is grey, the leaves are beginning to change color and fall... So Clayton and I headed outside for a few minutes to enjoy.

Rocking Chair Thoughts

2007-10-18T15:23:00.000-05:00

Clayton had his 2 month check-up this morning, which means he had his first round of vaccines. Four shots, two needles in each thigh. He screamed and cried one of those cries that breaks your heart and makes you nervous at the same time-- bright red face, holding his breath, vibrating in the back of his throat until he lets it all out cry. That cry didn't last long this morning; as soon as the nurse was finished, he finished too, and fell sound asleep. This afternoon, however, is another story. He screamed and cried that pitiful cry for 45 minutes or so, until I was able to rock him to sleep.

As I was rocking him I began to think about how we, as God's children, and He, as our Father, must be much like this scenario. See, I know that Clayton needs those shots to stay healthy, that they are in his best interest. In addition, I have experienced the pain of shots; I understand how he feels. I also know, because I have experienced it, that the pain will not last long, but the benefits will. He does not know any of these things, and cannot know them. He has not experienced pain like that before, and cannot possibly comprehend how it could be good for him. Bless his heart. Doesn't this sound familiar? All the trials and hardships in our lives are so painful at the time, and yet God promises that they are for our good. As we look back on them we understand that they turned out for good; in the midst of them we hurt, we do not understand. We cannot understand because we are not God.

The Lord says, "For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways...
For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my
thoughts than your thoughts." - Isiah 55:8

We scream and cry because of the pain. If only we knew what He knows. If only we knew that He understands how it feels because He was one of us. If only we knew that He was allowing the pain for our good, and that the pain is temporary. If only we knew that He was there "rocking" us, holding us close, loving us with a love beyond our comprehension.

"Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the
testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that
YOU MAY BE PERFECT AND COMPLETE, LACKING IN NOTHING." - James 1:2-4

"So we do not lose heart... For this slight momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal
weight of glory beyond all comparison..." - 2 Corinthians 4:17

It is amazing the things I am learning about God as Father through parenthood.

Family Ties

2007-10-15T21:01:00.000-05:00

Clay's (and my) MeMaw came to meet Clayton and visit the family this past weekend. We spent most of the day Sunday in Clanton, where these pictures were taken.

My two favorite boys in the whole wide world.

Proud GiGi and G-Daddy

The whole Conner clan

G-Daddy can't wait to get a pellet gun in "Pablito's" ("little Paul") hands.

Beautiful sisters-in-law

Clayton's Voice

2007-10-10T11:02:00.000-05:00

Clayton is seven weeks old today; I can hardly believe he's almost two months.

Clay and I talk with a slight speech impediment when we speak what we believe he is thinking, or what we think he would say if he could. He can be cwying, sweepy, fwustwated, or cuwious and smiwing... We sure do wove him...

Pics from this morning

Growing Strong

2007-10-05T13:02:00.000-05:00

Clayton is growing so fast! He is holding his head up for short periods of time (as he is doing in this picture), smiling, staying awake longer, sleeping longer (ranging from 3 to 5 1/2 hours, praise the Lord!) and weighing about 9 lbs, 14 oz... I can hardly believe he is already 6 weeks, 2 days-- time flies!

Bathtime

2007-09-30T14:12:00.000-05:00

Clay and I had such a good time giving Clayton a bath yesterday, and these pictures ought to give you some idea why. Look at those SMILES! He is smiling at us more and more these days, and we just can't get enough.

Look at my big tummy...

This is what Clay and I like to call the "stink eye"

This Colorful World

2007-09-29T10:53:00.000-05:00

Clay put together this video (below) of the day of Clayton's arrival. That day, August 22nd, was both one of the hardest and yet happiest days of my life. Clay and I arrived at Labor and Delivery around 7:00 a.m. to start the induction. The first eleven hours of labor were not bad-- visiting with our family and friends was enjoyable, the anticipation was exciting, the epidural was effective... It was only the last two hours of pushing that were so difficult. I was already exhausted from lack of sleep and food when the pushing began, and I was fearful about what lay ahead. The pushing during each contraction required every ounce of physical and emotional strength I had within me; the breaks between contractions were hardly long enough to catch my breath. With each push, Clayton would make slight progress down the birth canal, but with each break from pushing, he seemed to sneak back toward my womb. He must have really liked it in there; he did not seem very interested in coming out just yet. After pushing for almost two hours, I had this feeling that we were close to a C-Section, but I hoped that would not happen, and thanks to the support and encouragement of Clay, Julie, and Erin, and the patience of Dr. Ross, (and the strong arm of the nurse pushing down on my uterus) I was finally able to push him out completely! What a moment; what emotion, what exhaustion, what relief... I couldn't help but cry when I saw his perfect, sweet face. He was, and is, beautiful. He is a gift from the Lord. He is our son. As difficult as those hours were, I would do it again in a heartbeat, and I wouldn't change a thing.

I love the lyrics to this song about the artist's (Eliot Morris) son being born. Here are the lyrics, written from the perspective of the newborn:

My world was closing in
so i thought id take things outside
The walls had gotten thin
the time was feeling just right
Darkness, dangers, cold the air that kissed my skin
Slowly, strangers turned to friends

And welcomed me to this colorful world
All things anew in this colorful world
Grey yields to blue in this colorful world
There's so much to do in this colorful world

The light let go my eyes
I measured all the earth known
I cant remember why
I felt like I had found home
Earthquakes, noises stole the peace i tried to keep
Slowly voices brought me sleep

And sleep leads to dreams of this colorful world
Dreams build machines in this colorful world
Grey yields to green in this colorful world
There's so much unseen in this colorful world

Wake me up and wipe the the clouds from my ears
Speak my name because i finally can hear clearly

This colorful world
All things are new in this colorful world
Grey yields to blue in this colorful world
Theres so much to do in this colorful world

Eliot Morris

Footsteps

2007-09-27T16:48:00.000-05:00

Before you know it, Clayton will admire his Dad as the biggest, strongest, smartest man he knows. He will surely follow in Clay's footsteps. I can't wait to watch both of them when that happens.

Sleepy

2007-09-25T18:14:00.000-05:00

Although what follows this yawn is mostly fussing and crying, I can't help but love it. We're both sleepy these days. I haven't slept more than 4 1/2 hours in over one month now, but he is worth every sleepless night and exhausting day.

War Eagle

2007-09-15T17:14:00.000-05:00

Win or lose I'll always be an Auburn Tiger

Three Weeks Old

2007-09-12T14:02:00.000-05:00

We can hardly believe that he is our son. It is amazing the smile he brings to my face, the tears to my eyes, the love to my heart...

Getting burped by Daddy. He makes this face every time and it makes me laugh out loud.

Those eyes make me melt.

Today

2007-09-08T13:57:00.000-05:00

A lazy morning for Clayton and I

This one is my favorite

Clayton has several times during the day in which he is "alert", contentedly looking at the new world around him. One of those times is in the morning just after Clay leaves for work, and Clayton and I hang out for a couple of hours. These are pictures from our time together yesterday morning.

One Hundred Faces

2007-09-07T14:59:00.000-05:00

It is amazing how much time you can spend simply looking at your newborn child. Clayton seems to make one hundred faces every minute. These are a few of my favorite.

Clay and I love how he wrinkles his forehead

Content

Can't wait until he smiles in response to us

Oh no

And we love his lips

Really, I love everything about this little boy-- his hundreds of faces, his lips, his hands, his feet, his hair, the way he lifts his knees when we pick him up, the way he sleeps with his hands by his head, the way his upper lip curls when he eats...

Happy Anniversary

2007-08-21T11:33:00.000-05:00

Today is our three year anniversary. I know I lived 27 years before marrying Clay, and that those years molded and shaped who I am, but they almost seem like a distant memory, almost like life did not begin until him. We truly are "One Flesh", two halves of one whole. He is my home, my heart, my life.

Three years ago on this day, at this moment, I was arriving at the church, makeup and hair carefully done, to finish getting ready for what was, up to that point, the biggest and best day of my life. I was excited to begin life together, the mystery of marriage. I loved him that day, but that love now seems like a scratch on the surface of the love I have for him three short years later. Sometimes when I'm watching him and he doesn't even know it, my heart almost hurts with love for him. I love who God has made him--

I love his character and integrity and heart for the Lord,

I love seeing him read his Bible in the mornings,

I love that he loves strong, black coffee, hearty, imported beers, and rich, dark chocolate,

I love that he is naturally gifted at guitar/bass/banjo/mandolin playing and not just a wannabe,

I love his sense of humor, that he always cracks a joke at just the right time,

I love that he thinks Seinfeld is the funniest show ever,

I love that he appreciates, knows and plays sports, especially football, basketball, and baseball,

I love his facial expressions, especially those raised eyebrows,

I love his gifts of faith and encouragement,

I could go on and on. I know and love him more today than I could have ever known three years ago, and I expect to say the same thing as I wish him a Happy Anniversary three years from now.

How timely that our first child, Paul Clayton Conner, III, "Clayton", will be arriving almost right on time for this anniversary. Clay says I told him I wanted a good anniversary present, and that he did his best to make sure that happened. Unless Clayton surprises us (which seems highly unlikely at this point), I will be induced tomorrow morning around 6:30 a.m. I absolutely can't wait to see him, he who God has been creating in my womb for the last nine months. He is our very flesh, God's specific little man with his own personality, strengths and weaknesses, gifts and abilities, soul, looks, character, etc. He is who God has made him, through us. I hope he has the best parts of both of us.

Carter's Question

2007-06-03T16:37:00.000-05:00

Clay and I went to Columbus for our nephew Christopher's 7th birthday this weekend. My pregnant tummy is MUCH bigger than it was last time we were there in March (I wasn't even "showing" at that point). This weekend both Chris (7) and Carter (5) were very interested in my pregnant tummy and the baby inside my tummy. On Friday night when Carter was going to bed, he asked if he could give baby Clayton (really, my tummy) a hug goodnight; he laid his little head on my belly and wrapped his arms around me. It was one of those sweet moments you stop and imagine (or remember, even) life through the eyes of a child. I can't wait until I can give him a hug, too!

Only God

2007-04-01T15:00:00.000-05:00

Just last Sunday Clay and I still did not know the sex of our baby. I would say that the great majority of our friends and family (not to mention the Chinese Pregnancy Calendar) thought and/or predicted that we were having a girl, so it came as quite a surprise when we found out that he is actually a baby boy!
Looking at our baby through the ultrasound was an amazing experience, hardly worth the words to describe it. Seeing all four chambers of his heart, his spine, his brain, his hands and feet with tiny fingers and toes, his movement... I loved watching him move his arms and feet, changing positions; my favorite part was watching him pull his elbows and knees in as he got cozy in the "fetal position". The moment she told us he was a boy I couldn't hold back the tears. I couldn't help but imagine the future, wondering about his personality, his looks, his abilities and gifts... I was humbled by the evaluation that thus far, he is a perfectly healthy baby. It is only God. I am completely in awe of the work of God, knitting our child together as only He can. Only God is all-knowing and all-powerful and perfect in everything He does. No purpose of His can be thwarted.
Now that we know his sex, we almost feel as if we know more of his personality. I have begun feeling him move, not necessarily feeling a kick or an elbow, but movement in general. I have described it as feeling like an eye twitch, or any muscle twitch for that matter, only in my abdomen. I feel it several times a day, mostly when I am sitting still in my desk at work or lying down watching tv or sleeping. Matter of fact, I just felt him twice as soon as I wrote that. Even though the feeling is so small, it is still exciting knowing that it is him.
And I am DEFINITELY starting to pooch. I get such varied responses-- some saying that I hardly look like I'm showing at all, others saying that I'm pooching more than they thought I would. So, who knows? I certainly can't fit in my pre-pregnancy clothes, but maternity clothes still swallow me. It has been so frustrating trying to find something to wear every day! And yet I can't and don't want to complain because I'm just SO excited about our baby boy! I'll do whatever it takes!
Oh, and speaking of that, I am done with the nauseous feelings! Praise the Lord! That was one of the hardest things I have experienced, but it is absolutely worth it, without question.
I guess that's all for today...

13 weeks

2007-02-18T15:27:00.000-06:00

I am trying to be better about blogging more consistently, but this is a hard season to achieve that goal. I feel so sick almost all day every day. Other than this being one of the most exciting, most anticipated, most wonderful things that has happened to me, it has also been the hardest thing I have ever experienced physically. It has been harder than chronic headaches and migraines, harder than my heart racing at 250 beats/minute randomly over the course of several years (and the procedure that fixed it), harder than any of the viruses, food poisonings, car/sea sicknesses, etc... I think the reason it has been harder than any of these things is the length and extent of the sickness. I have felt almost constantly nauseated for 8 weeks now. I feel almost no relief except when I have food in my mouth or when I manage to fall asleep. It is hard to complain about it, though, because I am thrilled about what it means, about the sweet baby growing in my tummy. If I must endure this nausea in order for God to accomplish His purposes for our child, I am more than happy to. God is growing a human, our child that He has chosen for us, in my body. He is forming it, feeding it, protecting it... through me. That is all that gets me through; that, and knowing that more than likely the end of the nausea is near. I am 13 weeks today, and most people have told me they began feeling better between 14-17 weeks or so. I can't wait for that day for myself!
Other than the nausea and fatigue, pregnancy is slow to show itself! I am not "showing" yet; I notice a "bump" and that some of my pants are getting a little tight, but no one else can see it yet. I do not yet feel the baby move (it is supposedly only about the size of a lime right now), and that may still be several weeks away. I can't wait to hear the heartbeat again next week at the doctor!
Other than pregnancy, Clay and I are gradually getting settled in our new home. We have painted 4 of the last 5 weekends; all we have left is what will be the nursery. It has been the perfect time to be couped inside painting (or being sick) because of this FREEZING and miserable weather! I am already so ready for Spring and Summer!

Made

2007-02-01T18:55:00.000-06:00

I am pregnant...and we can finally tell everyone! We found out the day we moved, December 21st, that I am pregnant. I had to blink my eyes several times to be sure of what I was seeing on the pregnancy test. Yes, two lines. Two lines! All of a sudden I forgot everything I had learned while working at OBGYN, South during the last two years. Did two lines mean positive or negative? I called Clay at work and told him I thought I was pregnant. I was shaking I was so excited; I was pacing the floor. We celebrated together for a few minutes.
I called my friend and confidant at OBGYN, South, and she confirmed that two lines was indeed positive! Dr. Ross, my OBGYN, wanted me to sneak in the office later that afternoon for a quick peek on the ultrasound. During the ultrasound we saw a tiny black circle in my uterus... it was my growing womb. I was only approximately four weeks along, but I was pregnant!
We packed our entire townhouse (except for our mattress) into the moving van that night. The next morning we began cleaning and unpacking into our new house. We could not have accomplished everything we did without the help of our family and friends. We spent one night in our new house and left the next morning for Christmas with my family in Columbus. We were not planning on telling anyone about the pregnancy for several weeks, but Julie, my sister, came across a picture of my positive pregnancy test on our digital camera. Oops. We decided to tell my family that night; we wrapped the ultrasound picture like a present for my mom to open. Everyone was so excited!
The next afternoon we left Columbus and headed to Clanton to share the news with Clay's family. We visited and ate with them as if nothing was going to happen. Near the end of the night, we gave his mom a "thank you present for helping us move". When she opened the box, she could not speak because she was so excited she was crying. Once again, everyone was so excited!
Other than telling our families and a few close friends, we have kept this incredible news to ourselves for 6 weeks! We heard the baby's heartbeat on Monday, a healthy 174 beats/minute, and decided it was time to share the news with everyone! We are so excited and already feel that this child is a gift from the Lord. I cannot wait to meet him or her! I read every week about the progress and development of the baby. It is hard to believe that there is a tiny human growing inside of me; the baby has hands and fingers, can move his/her elbows and knees... It is such a miracle. Psalm 139 has never rang more true:
"For you formed my inward parts;
you knitted me together in my mother's womb.
I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made.
Wonderful are your works;
my soul knows it very well.
My frame was not hidden from you,
when I was being made in secret,
intricately woven in the depths of the earth.
Your eyes saw my unformed substance;
in your book were written, every one of them,
the days that were formed for me
when as yet there were none of them."
(v.13-16)

I am thankful that He is Sovereign and I am not.
I have been very nauseated since 5 1/2 weeks; that part is very hard. I HATE food, but it is the only thing that makes me feel better. I pretty much don't like any food unless it hits me right at the moment. There isn't one particular thing I have craved, but I like salty rather than sweet, which is very unusual for me. I feel worse at night than any other time of day; I can hardly sleep I am so nauseated. I CAN'T WAIT for the nausea to subside. The only thing that gets me through the nausea is knowing I'm enduring it for our baby. I would rather be sick and have a healthy baby than not.
Well, I've written enough for tonight... there are so many thoughts and feelings...

Believe

2006-10-09T10:06:00.000-05:00

I wonder how many times in our lives we have missed out on God's mighty works because of our unbelief. I am currently reading through the Gospel of Matthew, and I paused when I read the words, "And He did not do many mighty works there, because of their unbelief" (ch. 13, v. 58). Those in Jesus's own hometown could not/would not believe Him, honor Him, and even took offense at Him. They were prideful, not wanting to give Him authority over them. They thought He was one of them; He became "one of them" in order to reach them. He was and is GOD. He can do mighty works here, if we believe.

Mark tells the story of a father who comes to Jesus, asking Him to heal his son, saying, "...if you can do anything, have compassion on us and help us. And Jesus said to him, 'If you can! All things are possible for one who believes.' Immediately the father of the child cried out and said, 'I believe; help my unbelief!'" We do believe; we must also ask God for faith and belief in our weakness and frailty. He gives us the gift of saving faith; we must exercise our faith and belief in Him daily by knowing Him through His Word.

Been a While

2006-08-06T17:24:00.000-05:00

Very long time, no blog. For those of you who actually read my words, I'm sorry! So very much has happened since I last wrote here. The most life-changing thing that has happened is leaving my job as a medical assistant at OBGYN, South to accept a position as the Women's Ministry Coordinator Assistant at Briarwood. Someone today was asking me why I left my job, so I told her it was a God thing, and it was. His perfect timing, His mysterious will, the way He works all things together. Although I miss my friends and the familiarity of OBGYN, South, I am so happy to be back at Briarwood, serving the women of the church-- doing what I am passionate about, and using the gifts and abilities that God has given me.
I have to leave for church already-- I was hoping to write more during this time but hopefully I will return to this sooner than later this time.

Broken Things

2006-05-31T23:08:00.000-05:00

It's midnight here in Columbus (I'm here for my nephew Christopher's 6th birthday), and I'm so tired that my eyes are stinging. I'm staying up just a few minutes longer to put down some thoughts on this frustrating day.
The Lord is clearly doing something in Clay's and my life. We have spent, so far, $2500 on car repairs in the last two months. I say "so far" because there is a good chance we may be forced to spend even more tomorrow. Since buying my Volvo, it seems to have been one repair after another-- big problems, not minor ones. It is confusing and frustrating because buying the Volvo was a prayerful decision; we felt as if we were led to this specific car for several reasons. But why would the Lord lead us to a car that, so far, appears to be a LEMON? I confess that I do not understand His ways. Clay and I have worked so hard over the last two years to get ourselves out of debt, to be good stewards, our finances pleasing to the Lord. And He has been a very faithful Provider, enabling us to do so. The moment we were debt free, the car troubles seemed to multiply-- both cars needing extensive repairs and maintenance. Yesterday, hundreds on the Volvo; today, hundreds on the Honda, and more Volvo malfunction on my way to Columbus. Every time I turn the ignition, I feel anxious about which malfunction light will light up. Will it be the "maintenance required"? Or the "check engine"? Or the "service"?
So, the spiritual wrestling over financial hardship continues. Why is the Lord allowing this? He could prevent these problems if He desired, but He does not. They continue, persistently and quickly. What is He teaching us? That we should not put our trust in money? That His plans are more important than ours? That He will graciously provide each and every time? To praise Him and be thankful in everything? Could this be spiritual warfare since deciding to go on the Puerto Rico Mission Trip, raising support to do so? Verses flood my mind: "Do not be anxious for anything...", "My God shall supply all your need according to His glorious riches...", "Do not love the world or anything in the world...", and on and on.
I know that He has never failed us yet. I know of no Christian He has failed. He has provided, as only He can, in each hardship and circumstance-- the house, each car issue, for our Mission Trip, for a wonderful trip to California, to free us from debt, with extra income and gracious gifts from others. I do believe that He is in control, that He is good, and faithful, and gracious, and merciful... I believe that He is Holy, that He desires holiness in us, that He will do what it takes to make us more like Christ and less like the world...
"Those times when the Lord graciously invited my testing and even more graciously proved true and firm have furnished anchor points in my faith. My faith has become less mine and more His-- and all the more reliable for that", wrote Janie Cheaney in an article I am sure I supernaturally came across this afternoon.

Out of the Wind

2006-05-24T18:30:00.000-05:00

Ok... One more entry about Mere Christianity, and I promise it will be the last. I know there has only been one other, but I recognize that those of you who read my blog may tire of it more quickly than I. As a matter of fact, I just finished the book, and I recommend it. So here's the quote that seemed to make a strong enough impression on me that I'd like to share it:

"The real problem of the Christian life comes where people do not usually look for it. It comes
the very moment you wake up each morning. All your wishes and hopes for the day rush at
you like wild animals. And the first job each morning consists simply in shoving them all back;
in listening to that other voice, taking that other point of view, letting that other, larger,
stronger, quieter life come flowing in. And so on, all day. Standing back from all your natural
fussings and frettings; coming in out of the wind."

From these moments the new life will spread through us. We must hand over our whole selves to Christ. We cannot remain ourselves. For C.S. Lewis, this is the whole of Christianity. There is nothing else.

Clay and I are watching the American Idol Finale, cheering on Taylor Hicks, so I'll keep this one short. SOUL PATROL!

2006-05-01T10:15:00.000-05:00

I am reading C.S. Lewis's Mere Christianity and cannot help but share some of the profound insights he presents...
He says, "When the real want for Heaven is present in us, we do not recognise it. Most people, if they had really learned to look into their own hearts, would know that they do want, and want acutely, something that cannot be had in this world. There are all sorts of things in this world that offer to give it to you, but they never quite keep their promise. The longings which arise in us when we first fall in love, or first think of some foreign country, or first take up some subject that excites us, are longings which no marriage, no travel, no learning, can really satisfy... There was something we grasped at, in that first moment of longing, which just fades away in the reality."
And continues, "If I find in myself a desire which no experience in this world can satisfy, the most probably explanation is that I was made for another world... Probably earthly pleasures were never meant to satisfy it, but only to arouse it, to suggest the real thing."
He encourages us, on the one hand, to be thankful for these earthly blessings, but on the other, to understand that they are only a copy, or echo of "that other country".
I myself find this to be true, to resonate so deeply and clearly in my own heart and life. Even in the best possible experiences-- the best marriages, most excellent travel, most interesting learning-- something has evaded us. It is my desire for my true home, which I shall not find until after death. I must press on to that place. As a Christian, I was meant to look forward to eternity. Praise the Lord for this Hope!

More Than Three

2005-11-19T13:55:00.000-06:00

my view of discipleship was challenged and changed at the graduates and career leadership meeting last night. during Christ's ministry on earth, there were roughly 70 people that followed Him from a distance, 12 that were called His disciples, 3 that were named His "inner circle", and 1 who was His "beloved". my previous opinion of discipleship was that it involved only the 3 in the inner circle, the "life on life" discipleship mentality, when in fact, according to the Bible, a disciple is a follower of Christ. therefore, the 70 were being discipled by Christ, and the 12, and even those individuals such as the woman at the well, nicodemus... all of those who had an encounter with Christ and chose to follow Him were being discipled by Him! while the "life on life" (the 3) may in fact be the most crucial form of discipleship in terms of impact on the world, this more wholistic view is true biblical discipleship. how this can challenge and change and encourage our effort to disciple those the Holy Spirit may lead us to!
on a different note, today is the iron bowl... WAR EAGLE!

the leaves and the tree

2005-11-18T15:02:00.000-06:00

i have been wanting to and meaning to update my blog for quite some time now... i don't know how time slips by so quickly-- there is hardly time to sit still, to reflect, to share, to live deliberately. there are so many things i want to do with my unscheduled time-- phone calls to important people in my life that i do not talk to enough, projects for our house that i want to start or finish, sitting here in front of the computer sharing my life, reading one of the tens of books i want to read... i wish there were more days in the week or more hours in the day!
it was very interesting that last night clay and i were talking about how humbled and blessed and thankful we are to have such rich fellowship in our lives and that as i was reading The Calvary Road before falling asleep, that very issue was addressed again. "as the spokes get nearer the center of the wheel [God], they get nearer to one another." 1st John insists on testing the depth and reality of our fellowship with God by the depth and reality of our fellowship with our brothers. the only way to find real fellowship with God and man is to live out in the open with both.
how easy it is for us hide our inner selves, to put on appearances, to excuse ourselves... and how difficult to give up our privacy, our pride, our reputations in the name of transparency. when we do not share the truth about ourselves with God and others we end up not knowing the truth about ourselves.
how thankful i am for my monday night girls, for the fact that we are open and honest with one another about our lives, our fears and disappointments and sins, and that we walk away strengthened, encouraged, and challenged as a result (and "funny" that we were just talking about that this week).
i remember jim doggett talking about christian fellowship on the singles retreat two weeks ago, describing it in terms of a fall tree. each individual leaf is unattractive-- not brilliant, full of holes on its own-- but the whole is tremendous, working together to create something brilliant and breathtaking. may we work together in this way.

on your mark...

2005-10-20T21:17:00.000-05:00

my first blog... i have been turning down the idea of a blog, or online diary for quite some time now-- i am pretty much stuck in my ways by now, the way of paper journals and ink. but i have finally decided to give this thing a shot, mostly because i hope it will be another way that family and friends can know me. i would like to share my experiences, thoughts, and feelings-- trials i endure, decisions i make, lessons i learn, encouragement i encounter... in order that: a) i myself may process through and keep record of these things, and b) hopefully encourage or comfort or challenge even one person who may read these words of mine. ultimately, i hope that it will be to the glory of God in some way. and so i begin...