a prayer

clayton has shown a real interest in and desire for saying his own prayers lately. they usually go something like this:

"jesus, jesus

(my new favorite way to begin a prayer. ever.)

tank you for dis day

tank you for...

mommy and daddy and tuh-nuh

tank you for...

li-beh-wee (library)

tah-get (target)

wah-mart (duh)

my books

my toys

dinger (dinner)...

(the list can go on and on and varies according to what we/he did that day)

aaa-men"

obviously i cannot contain my smile that is ear to ear as he prays. because it. is. adorable.

endearing

every time clay or i pick turner up (i mean, every single time), she clasps her hands together as if she is praying. endearing is the perfect word to describe this precious "quirk"-- it means "loveable, especially in a childlike way". that's it. it is so very loveable. it is sweet, and feminine. and oh, so endearing. and it is turner.

i wanted to remember this "thing" forever, so i asked my friend and amazing photographer angie to capture the moment... and here it is; it is perfect. thank you, angie!

i had tried many times before to capture this "thing" on my own, but since she does it when i pick her up, it was, well... impossible... i did manage to capture just the hands themselves before she unclasped them as i put her down... not only does it happen every time we pick her up, but it happens this same way. every. time. precious.

seven

she's our happy girl,

but boy, is she busy....

i'm kind of in love with these eyes

six

i truly cannot believe how quickly time is passing.

i already feel a sentimental sadness that turner seems to be growing so fast.

i have heard many people say that time seems to pass more and more quickly with each child, and i wish that were not true, but i believe they must be right.

sometimes i wish i could temporarily freeze time...because i want to savor every moment of this little girl's life...

we hit some major milestones this month, including sleeping through the night (sings halleluiah chorus), sleeping without being swaddled, starting solid foods, and sitting up.

now, freeze. please.

my turner

clayton loves to play with turner.

i overheard him say to her once,

"watch this, sissy".

neither clay nor i have ever called turner "sissy"

(how did he know to nickname her that?!);

he also calls her "my turner".

he loves to play "chubby bunny" with her

and put stickers on her (or color on her, or play cars on her...)

and "share" with her (or pile every toy in sight on top of her)

...and she just goes with the flow,

and smiles and laughs whenever he is around.

five

isn't she yummy?

snow day

i am going to skip ahead to the present... i am slowly catching up, but as i am catching up, life goes on...

almost 2 weeks ago, snow was predicted to fall and accumulate overnight. i do not normally believe the meteorologists when they predict snow, but for some reason, i believed them this time. so clay and i packed the kids in the car and headed out to find a sled. we had no idea where to find one... i felt naive and silly asking the store employees if they sold sleds, and the employees looked at me as if saying, "bless her heart"... we were unsuccessful in our search, but gave up and came home to put the kids to bed, hoping they (we) would wake up to a winter wonderland.

morning came and i peered through the blinds to find...

nothing. disappointment.

(now i felt really silly about looking for a sled the night before)

as the morning went on, the chances for snow were diminishing...

but lo, and behold, the snow started quickly falling around mid-morning,

and by early afternoon, it looked like this:

this was not the first time it has snowed in clayton's (or turner's) lifetime, but it was the first time clayton enjoyed the snow (for a little while). we did find that sled, after all, and the sheer joy it gave clayton to be pulled by clay through the snow was worth every effort and every penny.

snow is a lot more fun when you have a family to enjoy it with (and when it is gone within 24 hours)!

maebe

maebe's name was perfect for her in so many ways. we definitely miss maebe.

christmas

we celebrated christmas and had a conner family reunion at memaw's house this year. it was a very good trip, with one especially fun day.

we joked that clayton was in a sweet spot this christmas-- not only getting gifts of his own, but thinking that turner's presents were his too, since she is too young to know or do anything with them or care about them herself :)

halloween

we spent halloween in columbus with the sidor's and the wolf's. clayton was an auburn football player for the night; turner was his little auburn tiger. clayton tagged along trick-or-treating with his cousins, which helped him understand the idea. he couldn't quite keep up... always one or two houses behind... until daddy started driving him in the golf cart :)

my favorite thing was when i told him to "say thanks, buddy" to the woman who had just given him candy at the door. he did just that, saying, "thanks, buddy". needless to say, he was a hit at every house.

clayton has been really into dora this year so it was a no-brainer to carve her into our pumpkin

three

still growing.

still eager to smile. still happy and content.

add "talking"

still stealing our hearts

and wrapping us all around her little finger ;)

two

we all know that i did not do a good job of blogging during the first several months of turner's life; i also did not take enough pictures, nor journal enough, nor a lot of things i should have done and wish that i had done. but i did what it took to survive those days and the adjustment and chaos. and that is why i skip from turner's birthday to two months...

here are a few things about turner at two months that i did jot down at the time:

"this newborn stage is flying by with her"-- i always feel this and say this, but 'tis true

"she is smiling"-- i remember thinking that she smiled early. i remember feeling my heart melt as i looked at that beautiful baby girl of ours. her smiles come easily, frequently, quickly; i love that about her. i have often thought that she might be funny or an entertainer-- i guess time will tell. she brings such joy to our family.

"she rarely cries"-- she truly was(is) such a sweet, content, happy baby. i have wondered if my being more relaxed, more comfortable, and more experienced as a mother has in any way influenced her temperament... but i think mostly it is just the way she was designed.

i remember that i would put her in bed with me, let her sleep with me a good bit when she was awake and/or fussy at an "inappropriate" time (say, 2 a.m., 5 a.m. ;). she would settle into sleep almost immediately when she was next to me. i cannot explain how she seems more relational than her brother at this stage, but she does. it is as if my presence is comforting to her on more than a physical level, but a more emotional, relational level.

i am excited to continue to learn and know her, to watch as her person unravels more and more, to experience relationship with my daughter...

thanks for the outfit, angie-- it was my favorite !

weekends

it was a friday night (this past friday night), 8:15 p.m.

i was sitting on the floor in front of the tv with a laundry hamper on one side and a pile of dirty baby and toddler clothes on the other. i was in my pajamas, armed with a bottle of my favorite stain remover. clay walked in and said jokingly, as if someone not in this stage of life asked me, "so, what'd you do on friday night?"

i smiled.

it was then that i realized that i could not be happier

to be doing exactly what i was doing.

really.

2 years old... or young

our little boy is 2 years old. it does not seem so long ago that he was only 2 weeks, or 2 months...

but 2 years?!

now that we have 2 children, i find myself saying "remember when?" as i watch them grow simultaneously. on clayton's birthday, i look at turner, and remember when he was her size. just 2 years ago. he really is such a big boy, especially when i remember when... and i know that years from now he will seem like such a little boy when i then remember when he was just 2.

but for today, he is a big boy.

clayton's friends charlie, and will, and matthew help him open presents

clayton loved veggie tales this year, so bob and larry donned his cake

baby sister enjoyed the party in gg's arms

celebrating

in those first few days and weeks of turner's life, we were surrounded and supported by our families. my sisters and their families were in town not only to celebrate turner's birthday, but their birthdays as well... my nieces and nephews got to meet and enjoy their new cousin... clayton had many playmates to keep him busy and happy while clay and i were busy learning and caring for turner... what a happy time for everyone!

our new family of four

turner, only 4 days old, looks tiny in this picture!

if anyone ever read my journal (heaven, forbid), this is what they would see written on 01.27.10.

i. need. grace.

bad.

i won't have a pity party and go into all the reasons i needed grace at that moment, on this day, but for any other moms of young children, i am sure it is not hard to imagine.

when i wrote those words, i was talking to God. He answered. psalm 68:19 came to mind immediately.

"blessed be the Lord, who daily bears us up..."

those words came to my heart like good medicine. i studied a little further and read this:

"listen to me, o house of jacob, all the remnant of the house of israel,

who have been borne by me from before your birth,

carried from the womb;

even to your old age I am he,

and to gray hairs I will carry you.

I have made, and I will bear;

I will carry and will save."

isaiah 46:3-4

He cares for me. His care is constant. He knows my needs. He bears me up and carries me.

big brother

there was much more to come home to this time... there was big brother.

clay and i were not sure how clayton would respond to turner. he does not like change, and he is a very sensitive soul, which made us wonder if adjusting to "sister" being around would be hard for him. in some ways i think it was hard, but for the most part, he was excited about turner.

he wanted to be near her

he wanted to "help" and hold her

he wanted to hug and kiss her

i have a feeling these two will one day end up the best of friends... (i know, i know, and the worst of enemies)

clayton is such a good big brother. he loves turner very much. he doesn't know life without her anymore. and that makes us happy.

home

coming home from the hospital with turner was a mostly different experience than coming home with clayton. but some things were the same.

we were nervous about coming home with clayton... we had no idea what to expect... and yet we were thrilled to come home to begin our new life as a family, with our son...

we were not nervous to come home with turner, but maybe apprehensive of the change and adjustment that having two kids brings... we knew more of what to expect from a newborn, of being a parent, but not so much about juggling two... we were filled with joy to come home to our life as a family of four, with our son and daughter...

"the lord has done great things for us and we are filled with joy" psalm 126:3

this picture was not posed... nothing says "motherhood" like this photo.

this picture makes me laugh. great memory. and great having e here to help with the transition. we spent a lot of time in front of windows and outside in those early hours and days home, trying to minimize jaundice with natural sunlight.

Turner's birth day

even though this sweet day was almost six months ago, i want to recount some of the details of it for memory's sake. in some ways, July 21 seems like yesterday-- the first six months of Turner's life have blown by; in other ways, I can hardly recall life before she was born...

Turner's actual due date was July 24, but as with Clayton, Dr. Ross scheduled an induction three days early because conditions were favorable to do so. (i am convinced i will never go into labor without being induced!) i was given instructions to call labor and delivery very early in the morning on the 21st to make sure there was still room for my induction... when i called, i was informed that my induction was not on the schedule, that there had been some sort of error, that they were not sure there would be room, and to call back in one hour... what?! i am still not sure what happened, but after a nerve wracking hour of waiting, the l & d staff graciously allowed us to come in to induce labor. whew. from that point on, the day, the labor and delivery, was textbook, which was nice after Clayton's difficult delivery.

after only 7 hours of labor, Turner Grace Conner made her appearance in our world at 2(ish) p.m., weighing 7 lbs., 8 oz...

unlike her brother, she made her entrance known, with a very loud set of screaming lungs. i hoped this was not an indication of things to come... and thank goodness, it was not!

like her brother, holding my baby girl for the first time was an experience bigger and better than words can express. daughter. completion. satisfaction. devotion. life. love. in love.... my mind still races thoughts of what it means to have a daughter-- the layers of life and love and relationship that at once exist and have yet to exist. femininity. intimacy. legacy.

my capacity for love grew exponentially the moment i held her in my arms. we are blessed beyond measure by this sweet baby girl that God has graciously entrusted to our care.

hello

so i abandoned my blog...

i have let this thing get dust all over it...

and now i finally feel like i want to go back and remember and record memories of some things that have come and gone since this thing grew mildew...

so, hopefully, here we go again...

later (it's late and i'm tired). here's to hoping this check-in prompts creativity and commitment and brings accountability...

goodnight.

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