It's midnight here in Columbus (I'm here for my nephew Christopher's 6th birthday), and I'm so tired that my eyes are stinging. I'm staying up just a few minutes longer to put down some thoughts on this frustrating day.
The Lord is clearly doing something in Clay's and my life. We have spent, so far, $2500 on car repairs in the last two months. I say "so far" because there is a good chance we may be forced to spend even more tomorrow. Since buying my Volvo, it seems to have been one repair after another-- big problems, not minor ones. It is confusing and frustrating because buying the Volvo was a prayerful decision; we felt as if we were led to this specific car for several reasons. But why would the Lord lead us to a car that, so far, appears to be a LEMON? I confess that I do not understand His ways. Clay and I have worked so hard over the last two years to get ourselves out of debt, to be good stewards, our finances pleasing to the Lord. And He has been a very faithful Provider, enabling us to do so. The moment we were debt free, the car troubles seemed to multiply-- both cars needing extensive repairs and maintenance. Yesterday, hundreds on the Volvo; today, hundreds on the Honda, and more Volvo malfunction on my way to Columbus. Every time I turn the ignition, I feel anxious about which malfunction light will light up. Will it be the "maintenance required"? Or the "check engine"? Or the "service"?
So, the spiritual wrestling over financial hardship continues. Why is the Lord allowing this? He could prevent these problems if He desired, but He does not. They continue, persistently and quickly. What is He teaching us? That we should not put our trust in money? That His plans are more important than ours? That He will graciously provide each and every time? To praise Him and be thankful in everything? Could this be spiritual warfare since deciding to go on the Puerto Rico Mission Trip, raising support to do so? Verses flood my mind: "Do not be anxious for anything...", "My God shall supply all your need according to His glorious riches...", "Do not love the world or anything in the world...", and on and on.
I know that He has never failed us yet. I know of no Christian He has failed. He has provided, as only He can, in each hardship and circumstance-- the house, each car issue, for our Mission Trip, for a wonderful trip to California, to free us from debt, with extra income and gracious gifts from others. I do believe that He is in control, that He is good, and faithful, and gracious, and merciful... I believe that He is Holy, that He desires holiness in us, that He will do what it takes to make us more like Christ and less like the world...
"Those times when the Lord graciously invited my testing and even more graciously proved true and firm have furnished anchor points in my faith. My faith has become less mine and more His-- and all the more reliable for that", wrote Janie Cheaney in an article I am sure I supernaturally came across this afternoon.
1 comment:
It was so great to hear from you on Landon's blog! Jon and I have also experienced these types of financial setbacks; just when we are getting caught up, another new expense pops up (often car repairs). Just this week we found out that there weren't enough taxes being taken out of Jon's paycheck, leaving us almost $1000 behind! So far though, what I have learned from this is that God always provides for our family, no matter how bad our situation appears. I think He's also teaching me not to focus so much on material things. The reasons for your situation may be completely different, but I just thought I'd share my experience with you. On a lighter note, I also think we should have a big family reunion soon. It's funny you mentioned that because I had been thinking the same thing recently! Do you care if I put a link to your blog from Landon's blog? ~~ Michelle
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